When I was told a little over a year ago that I had premature ovarian failure (POF), my husband and I were completely blindsided. We had been trying to get pregnant for at least a few years by that time, and we just figured it was taking time. Let's be honest, getting pregnant is a miracle any time it happens. The stars almost literally have to align. This is something I think a lot of couples don't think about, especially if they've never had an issue getting pregnant. (Consider yourselves lucky). So we had really tried not to think too much of it, until that terrible day. So there we are, sitting in a doctor's office whom I had only met moments before, and she's delivering this news to us. I felt like my entire world was crashing down around me. Tears were rolling down my face and my husband was just in shock and simultaneously trying to comfort me, and the doctor immediately starts talking about donor eggs, donor embryos, adoption, I mean she's throwing everything but the kitchen sink at us. I really just wanted to tell her to shut up (this is the 'attitude' part of my blog name..the 'grace' part is a work in progress 😉).
I'll be honest, it probably took me about two weeks to decompress from that appointment and get my bearings. Once I did, I started doing a ton of research on POF, because I had never even heard the term before. I stumbled upon this other woman's blog, who, crazily enough, had similar circumstances and was given a similar diagnosis, yet through various means she ended up pregnant with twins. [Thank you Cole for your inspiration]. Reading Cole's blog gave me a gift of something I hadn't felt since before that appointment: hope. And I realized that no matter which direction we were going to take this, no matter what we were going to do with the information, we had to continue to hope. One of my favorite verses came out of this situation, and I read it often to remind myself:
"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed... Without weakening in his faith he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead... Yet he did not waver through unbelief, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised." Romans 4:18-21
This is, in part, why I have felt compelled to start writing. To maybe give hope to others, the way Cole's story has given hope to me. Although we aren't there yet, we continue to believe the day will come. It's absolutely a struggle some days to maintain that hope and positivity, but there is something healthy about saying it out loud (or writing it for the world to see) that releases the power the struggle has over me. Much more to come. Thank you for reading and thank you for joining me on this journey. Xoxo